Not only am I a bad blogger, obviously I’m a liar too! Let’s not count how many times I’ve vowed to change that…

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So last year sucked wasn’t the best…this year had a rough start…next year?? Oh, it’s gonna rock!! Sit tight and I’ll tell you why!
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Last November I found out I had Cervical Cancer. After a few failed attempts to kill it, I had surgery in May and am now cancer free! It’s kinda weird being able to summarize those 6 months of emotions in just a few sentences, but it’s also wonderful to be able to do so! I had a great support system and never felt I was going through it alone. Have I mentioned my friends and family are thee best ever? Just sayin’.

My best friend had a baby in July. It was absolutely amazing to not only watch her experience the pregnancy, but the birth as well. We have been through so much together but watching her precious little girl come into this world was the ultimate! 

Sophia Rose with the button nose and the tiny toes…
~Auntie Heidi loves you!!!!

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Now for a moment of silence to mourn the house home I grew up in…ssshhh!!!…My parents decided it was time to downsize and sold the home they bought when I was about 7…like 10 15 25 years a long time ago. It broke my heart to walk out of there knowing it would be the last time. I do my best to avoid that part of town…for now. Seriously? It’s just a house…full of memories…of 4 generations. (does anybody know anything about the trespassing laws in California!) (just asking!)

What else was there….
Oh yeah, speaking of memories. One day, like June 30th at 2:22 p.m. as my parents were getting settled in “that new place” I sat on the couch next to my daughter-in-law visiting with her and my sons. I had my phone in hand waiting for an important… as usual, after all she was busy texting “someone” and so was one of my son’s. Then I got a text message and I’m all like, “Excuse me…I got a message too!” It was from my daughter-in-law. I expected it to say something like ‘Ewww, do you like that color paint your mom used in the dining room??’ It didn’t. This is the message…

My reaction? 1) Threw my phone across the room. 2) Screamed. 3) Screamed. 4) Hugged them. 5) Cried. 6) Screamed. 7) Convinced the new neighbors, 911 was not necessary. 8 ) Picked up my phone and reread the message…which took care of #9, call and text everyone I know. because when I reread it I saw…
Look at this precious baby…your grandchild…your 1st grandchild…the one you could not wait to have..but don’t tell anyone!!! They’re so cute. They’re so funny. They’re so serious. I’m just going to put it out there, I did tell a few people. I knew my boundaries tho and would never cross them. Everybody at the Post Office was thrilled, almost as thrilled as each and every person in Pep Boys that helped me look for a Worlds Greatest Grandma To Be keychain, but not nearly as happy as everyone at my doctors. I so could not wait to brag to my friends though. I may or may not have asked daily, how much longer? Now? Can I say anything on Facebook? Are you guys ready? Then…I got a text from my daughter in law, “…you have our blessing to make an announcement.” Holla, I’ve got this!

What an honor, how amazing are my kids? I’m a grandma to be and can finally brag and brag and brag about it.
When it came time to find out if we were having a baby boy or baby girl, I was told I would find out out the Gender Reveal Party. I’m like whadda ya mean??? I want to know NOW!! Truth be told, I actually DID find a way to join the ultrasound incognito…but when I found out more about the Gender Reveal Party, I was totally on board and ditched the disguise! Hours after my son and daughter-in-law learned of their baby’s sex, close friends and family gathered at her parents home. There were cupcakes beautifully decorated in pink and blue frosting, they were filled with either blue or pink frosting which would reveal…boy or girl. With cupcakes in hand, we were instructed to take a bite nowwwwww…

I am going to spare y’all and not post the video of my reaction to finding the pink frosting. I think it is startling even on mute. I kid. I had never really had a “feeling” either way, but for some reason honestly expected to see blue in that cupcake, but I’m just going to put it out there…I am beyond happy that I am having a grandprincess!!!! 

My daughter-in-law sent me a text later that night…I’m not going to lie, I was afraid to read it. I was afraid it was another “still a secret  till further notice” text. It wasn’t. Thank God. It was a picture, she asked if I would use it to create an it’s a girl announcement for her. I was thrilled…and prompt. As much as I love my new friends at the post office, Pep Boys and my doctors, I couldn’t wait to brag tell my real other friends. All of them. And I did.
See?

I entered 2013 with cancer and uncertainty. The day I had surgery…my son and daughter-in-law learned they were going to be parents. As my parents moved, I said goodbye to my childhood home where so many memories had been made…it was in their new home I learned I was going to be a grandma. Best memory ever. My best friend had a beautiful baby girl and started her new life as a mommy…my granddaughter will be 6 months younger than Sophia. We already have play dates planned, for like 6 years.
Life is funny.
Last year was a disaster.
This year has been good
Next year will be amazing, I will have a grandprincess.

I’m really going to do my best to clean up the spiderwebs and dedicate more time to my site. Let’s not count how many times I’ve said that though…obviously not only am I a bad blogger, gramma’s a liar too!

Welcome to 2013…To your left, we have bits and pieces of “stuff” leftover from 2012. To your right, you will find an awesome year awaiting you.

I TOLD YOU SO!!!

As I sit at a place that could be best described as a piece of paradise, I am relaxed, I am content…I am carefree. Those feelings however change, day to day, hour to hour…sometimes minute to minute. With just a few weeks left, 2012 got it’s last jab in. (persistant little bast thing isn’t it!) Truth be told, without the love and support of those near and dear to me, this could have easily pushed me over the edge. But it didn’t…and it won’t.

I will know more in a few days and will share once I have processed it all. It has been an amazing year so far, (20+ days, holla!!!) I am heading in the right direction and I’m going to continue on that path. Should I have to carry what’s left on that path, it will only make me stronger. It’s ok, I’m ok…I’ve got this.

As the year ends and I revisit it, I will look back at how wonderful it was and (because you know I will) say…

I TOLD YOU SO!!!

We are 10 months in to 2012, so far? No bueno.
My blog has been severely neglected, my camera collecting dust and the pages in my journals remain untouched. Though my passion for all remain, the desire has faded. I somehow lost a part of myself, the part that defines who I am…was.

Tragedy struck our family this last February, it really put life in perspective for me. With that being said, I have slowly started removing my blinders and rose colored glasses. I am seeing people and life’s situations more for who and what they really are. It has been both, a rude awakening and a pleasant surprise. As cool as I am with 2012 ending, it has offered a few good days hours moments days. Here’s a quick recap… (watch this be the shortest post in the history of the WWW!)
I took a mini vaca to Las Vegas, I so needed it and thoroughly enjoyed it! I’m not really a gambler, I do love me some Fremont Street though! The atmosphere, the photo op’s, great company…a change of pace! It was fun, but O EMMM GEEE was it hot!!!

Feline Frenzy…MEOW!! This would be one of the reasons that mini vaca was so needed! After befriending a feral cat, who’s meow appropriately earned her the name “Squeeks,” I realized she was pregnant. There are an abundance of feral cats around here, obviously their situations are less than ideal. I hoped and prayed when the time came, Squeeks would find a safe and quiet place to give birth. She did. In the bushes in my front yard. Truth be told, I shed a tear when I saw Eeny, Meeny, Miney and Mo. I now had 5 feral cats living amongst my Lily’s and Irises that I felt 100% responsible for. Because that wasn’t enough, another feral kitten (about 4 weeks old) literally appeared in the backyard a few days later. Who acquires 6 stray cats in less than a week? I do…that’s who!!! Because of some amazing people, (Benji, my God lambs family) this story does have a happy ending. They took in and fostered Squeeks, Eeny, Meeny, Miney and Mo!!! (I could NOT be any more grateful!!!) “Miracle” kitty was given a home within hours of her surprise visit!! MEOW!

My cousin from Chicago is now working out here in So Cali a week every month. (I wouldn’t have a life if it wasn’t for him. For real!!) We have done baseball games, (go Angels!!) (Hello Mike Trout!!) we saw Van Halen a few months ago, we go to dinner, we do cocktails…we laugh nonstop!!! I’m just going to put it out there, we are the S.H.I.T. and I adore him and the time we spend together!!!

I tried to spend as much time possible with my lil niece/BFF, Joey before…she started kindergarten in August! We have finally moved on from our days on the playground (thank you baby Jesus!) and have become quite the choreographers. Watch for our video debut which will include dances such as The Kitten, The Sunburn, The Stroke, Funky Turtle, Crazy Snap, The I Dunno, Just Drivin’ and many more…it’s sure to go viral! I absolutely cherish each and every moment with her… I love you Beans to the moon and back and back again!!!

Have I mentioned my obsession for dolphins? Ever? I recently went on another dolphin safari…one word, ABSOLUTELYFLIPPINGAMAZING!! The catamaran was less than 1/3 full, the weather was perfect and within minutes of leaving the marina we were surrounded. It was all I could do to compose myself. Actually, I’m not sure that I did. I think with some time and a little begging…maybe a few homemade cookies, they’ll forget about everything and let me come back! I kid. Kinda.

A friend had a get together this past weekend for our ‘group’ from high school. We have managed to do this about once a year for the last few years and it’s always a good time. Just about, if not all of us have been friends since we were 15 years old. We have shared so many memories together…good and bad. It blows me away that none of us have aged…like at all!

My oldest son turned 29 in August, my youngest hit 26 in September and I turned became a year older last week. My oldest and his beautiful wife will celebrate their 1st anniversary next month. I’m not quite sure how all of this is even remotely possible, considering…well…my age! I’m just going to put it out there…my kids are great and I could not be prouder! (except for the fact I don’t think they are being honest about the whole age thing!!) My son will hit another cancer free anniversary in just a few weeks…I am so blessed!!! (and young)

Not going to lie…I’m just as shocked as you are that this post consists of more than 4 sentences….or that there’s a post at all!! I hate to wish time away, and I am going to be thankful to move forward from 2012, but all and all it did offer a few good days hours moments days.

I could not have come across this at a better time in my life! I love each and every thought on here…so much that I had to share!!!
(now my life will be perfect!)

I gave my first PC to my Aunt Bobbie when I decided to upgrade. She was ecstatic. The first…and only lesson didn’t go so well, panic set in when I mentioned a mouse. Once she was brave enough to touch and click it, she was done for the day. She squealed in delight as she created movement on the little computer T.V. (a.k.a. monitor) and was now a self proclaimed computer genius. There may or may not have been a few issues that followed.
“Heidi, you know that ding sound the computer makes?”
“Uh-huh”
“Mines not dinging.”
After a little troubleshooting via the phone, I replied…
“Maybe what you’re doing isn’t dingable.”
“Oh it’s dingable” she assured me.
“Okaayyy…your volume is up, right?”
“Yeah, should I plug the speakers back in?”
In my most composed, computer literate voice, I gently said,
“Aunt Bobbie, I’m afraid you need professional help.”
She advised me a few days later she had signed up for real computer classes. Whether she quit them or was kicked out…I don’t know, but the mouse, the little computer T.V., and the speakers remained untouched thereafter. It was then she informed me she didn’t need a computer…

I could just read her everything.

From the very first entry until the day she died, my Aunt Bobbie was the biggest fan of this website. She loved to hear my stories, she loved me to read her my poems. She literally cherished everything I wrote. Her enthusiasm, encouragement and persistence motivated me…to be a better person…to embrace what I had, accept what I didn’t. She helped me find the humor in situations I didn’t think I could get through. “Write through it, I’ll call you tomorrow so you can read it to me.” Embarrassing moments …funny moments…”Write about it…I’ll call you tomorrow so you can read it to me.” Without fail, she would call. She shared my laughter, she shared my pain. She got it…she got me, she was my biggest fan.

I had shared with her an incident a few weeks prior to her death, she could not wait for me to write about it…for me to read it to her. Almost 2 years ago to the minute, I lay in bed realizing I had not yet read it to her. I printed a copy and headed to the hospital. With a cousin sleeping on the couch and her peacefully resting in her bed, I quietly read what would be the last of many stories she had encouraged me to write, I Slept With My Sugar Daddy. (I did inform her of the risk I was taking, “this has to be quiet and fast or they will admit ME as a 5150″)

She died a few hours later.
So did a part of me.
There is not a day that goes by that I don’t think about her, that I don’t miss her. She inspired me, she motivated me, she believed in me.
She was my biggest fan.

Address In The Stars
I stumbled across your picture today
I could barely breath
The moment stopped me cold,
Grabbed me like a thief.
I dialed your number, but you wouldn’t be there
I knew the whole time, but it’s still not fair
I just wanted to hear your voice,
I just needed to hear your voice.

What do I do with all I need to say
So much I wanna tell you everyday
Oh it breaks my heart,
I cry these tears in the dark
I write these letters to you,
But they get lost in the blue,
‘Cause there’s no address in the stars.

Now I’m drivin’
Through the pitch black dark
I’m screaming at the sky
Oh cause it hurts so bad
Everybody tells me
Oh all I need is time
Then the mornin’ rolls in
And it hits me again
And that ain’t nothin’ but a lie.

What do I do with all I need to say
So much I wanna tell you everyday
Oh it breaks my heart,
I cry these tears in the dark
I write these letters to you,
But they get lost in the blue,
‘Cause there’s no address in the stars.

Without you here with me,
I don’t know what to do.
I’d give anything
Just to talk to you
Oh it breaks my heart,
Oh it breaks my heart,
All I can do
Is write these letters to you,
But there’s no address in the stars.

I love you!!

Meet Benjamin, my God-Lamb.
I met him online and fell in love. Smitten, I am!

These past few months have been hell…life altering. It’s sad that it often takes tragedy to make you stop, think and put life back in perspective.

Sunday I had the pleasure of meeting Benji face to face, it was just what the doctor ordered. True story.

Rejected by his mom, Benji has been bottle fed and cared for by his owners, he could not be in better hands. (maybe except MINE of course!) I fed him, he kissed me. He won my heart, I won his trust. He was just as content to lay there as I was to hold him. Baaaa…

Just going to put it out there and say Benji is the smartest lamb ever. I know…I sound like the typical Godmother bragging about their God lamb, but he really is. He not only brings a smile to everyone and every heart he touches… he ‘smiles’ too. (note the 3rd row of pictures!) “Smile Benji” As much as he enjoys his picture taken, he likes to see it as well! Does your God lamb dance? Mine does. “Dancing lamb” (you DO see the picture in the last row, right?) He believes he is human and I do have to say, his comprehension of our vocabulary is higher than some humans I’ve met! Kidding…kinda.

Benji is different, he is special. As I said goodbye to him and his wonderful parents I told them he has a purpose, he is who he is for a reason. Whether it is one…or many, Benji is going to make a difference in someones life. I’m convinced. They already knew this, I’m sure.

On the way home, I was reflecting on the events of the past few months…of what had happened earlier that same morning. There has been so much heartache, grief and pain, for myself and for those close to me. As I went to put my hair up, I felt the now stiff (lamb saliva, yum!) pieces of hair Benji had tried to munch on. It made me smile. I felt that same sense of peace I had felt as he cuddled in my arms. I realized I was right, Benji was special…he was going to make a difference in someones life, he already had…mine.

God Lamb…you melt my heart!
(pictures are clickable for larger view)

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I know…how lucky am I?

I loved Judy Blume growing up. This was the first of her collection I read and I find myself referring to this title more than ever lately.  I wish there was one called, “Does It Ever Stop?”

I love blogging…I love writing, I really do…but it has really taken a backseat in my life lately.

Tough times my friends, tough times.

We buried my brother 3 days ago, he had been missing for 13 days. Horrific circumstances and a lot to process.

I will share more soon.