With my baby just turning 24, I thought this Blast From The Past would be appropriate right about now. It’s hard to believe at the tender age of 31, (give or take a few years) I could have a 27 and a 24 year old. Hard to believe these little guys are both over 6 feet tall now and no longer obsessed with boots and lipstick (sorry boys, but I have the pictures to prove it!) The hardest thing to believe? They are actually best friends now. I do believe in miracles. Without further ado…the lights of my life.
Originally posted January 30th, 2009.

I have been sorting through pictures these past few days. Remember in the olden days, when you snapped a picture and as soon as the roll of film was done you ran to the local drugstore, dropped it off and eagerly waited 10 days for it to be developed? You always ordered double prints so grandma and aunt Betsy could have some, only to find 4 pictures that were actually viewable. At first you were very diligent about keeping your treasures organized and in albums, but eventually all hell broke loose. You are now left with boxes of loose photos not having a clue who or what they are of. I decided it was time to at least organize my kids pictures and catch up on their albums but the more I go through…the worse I feel.

You both are so cute, so loving and have so much personality!

I don’t know why I would allow you to wear a necktie to kindergarten each day, then skate around the neighborhood. I must say you were quite the trend setter back then!

What was I thinking when I matched you head to toe….in not so masculine clothes,
I promise I corrected every last person that said, “she’s gorgeous”

You are my pride and joy. The three of us were always together!

But maybe it wasn’t a good idea to put you in spandex shorts
and get on with our day in our matching Batman t-shirts…

I was so proud that by your second birthday you were potty
trained and now wearing “big boy” chonies!!

Bless your heart, you tried so hard to walk in them….
I swear at the time I thought it was cute!

Madonna called…she said she wants her boots and butterfly belt buckle back.
We’ll blame your dad for this one!! Love you! (who can we blame for that carpet??)

Surprise!! We were on vacation and guess who got all gussied-up for dinner
all by himself? You were the cutest thing ever! Everybody thought…. nobody saw you….

You and your “bestie” were always so trendy….

Trying to teach you independence and responsibility, Mom sends you out for
a day of errands, unfortunately you had to do it without your super cool shades…..

….I was sporting them and my super cool 80′s suit at the beach

Yes boys, mom has her moments too!!

The pictures obviously are endearing to me, however if I were to show them to anyone….
I have many more to conquer, which I’m sure will lead to more laughs, a few tears and probably a few more posts!!! I love you boys

He’s twenty-four. My baby is 24 years old today. Not 4. Not 14. He’s 24.

I’m a little sad…but I couldn’t be prouder.
Happy Birthday babe, I love you!!!!

Am I the last one on earth to learn about the dot? I am feeling a little left out here folks, dot deprived actually. I came across the dot a few weeks ago, and while I thought it was interesting, I have found myself feeling somewhat consumed with this phenomenon. For those of you (if that is even possible) that might share in my dot deprivation, I pass on to you…my knowledge of the dot, “The Pale Blue Dot.”

The famous photograph was taken of the Earth by Voyager 1 in 1990 from 4 billion miles away. As it exited the solar system, the late astronomer, Carl Sagan, convinced NASA to have Voyager 1 turn its view back toward the sun and snap one last photo of our planet. Earth showed up as a pale blue dot, a single pixel in the grainy image. Sagan called this view of Earth the “Pale Blue Dot” Click on picture for larger image

Sagen spoke of that powerful symbol in a commencement address he gave in 1996, a few months before his death:

Look again at that dot. That’s here. That’s home. That’s us. On it everyone you love, everyone you know, everyone you ever heard of, every human being who ever was, lived out their lives. The aggregate of our joy and suffering, thousands of confident religions, ideologies, and economic doctrines, every hunter and forager, every hero and coward, every creator and destroyer of civilization, every king and peasant, every young couple in love, every mother and father, hopeful child, inventor and explorer, every teacher of morals, every corrupt politician, every “superstar,” every “supreme leader,” every saint and sinner in the history of our species lived there – on a mote of dust suspended in a sunbeam.

The Earth is a very small stage in a vast cosmic arena. Think of the rivers of blood spilled by all those generals and emperors so that, in glory and triumph, they could become the momentary masters of a fraction of a dot. Think of the endless cruelties visited by the inhabitants of one corner of this pixel on the scarcely distinguishable inhabitants of some other corner, how frequent their misunderstandings, how eager they are to kill one another, how fervent their hatreds.

Our posturings, our imagined self-importance, the delusion that we have some privileged position in the Universe, are challenged by this point of pale light. Our planet is a lonely speck in the great enveloping cosmic dark. In our obscurity, in all this vastness, there is no hint that help will come from elsewhere to save us from ourselves.

The Earth is the only world known so far to harbor life. There is nowhere else, at least in the near future, to which our species could migrate. Visit, yes. Settle, not yet. Like it or not, for the moment the Earth is where we make our stand.

It has been said that astronomy is a humbling and character-building experience. There is perhaps no better demonstration of the folly of human conceits than this distant image of our tiny world. To me, it underscores our responsibility to deal more kindly with one another, and to preserve and cherish the pale blue dot, the only home we’ve ever known.

Thank you Carl Sagen for “The Pale Blue Dot” for sharing the visual and the perspective of what otherwise would be inconceivable…for making me feel so dot worthy.

Excuse me while I familiarize myself with what I’m supposed to be doing. It’s been so long, too long… I shared a little about what my life has entailed here. Two people close to me have suffered strokes in the last month. “Jack” is 43, “Mary” is in her 50′s. Obviously very unexpected for both of them.
In addition to the stroke, “Jack” had deep tissue bleeding on the right side of his brain, in an area that would have left him a vegetable had they operated to stop the bleed. If it continued to bleed, death was imminent. Thank GOD, the bleeding quit on it’s own. “Jack” left the hospital after several days in I.C.U. much a much different man. His speech, memory, thought process and his right arm were all compromised greatly. Those first few days were much like watching after a toddler, absolutely heartbreaking to say the least. Things are slowly coming back to him, but he has a long ways to go. He is alive, and for that we couldn’t be any more grateful, the rest will come in time….xoxoxo

“Mary” was taken to the hospital a few weeks ago for what they thought at first, was a heart attack. She left diagnosed as possibly having Vertigo. Two days later she was admitted with a blood pressure of 230/113 and went into a coma. A CT showed fluid in her brain and she was taken into surgery immediately. The doctor came out and told they had removed the “dead” part of her brain which affects the equilibrium. At best, she probably would never be able to walk again and would not have any coordination skills. He continued to tell us, their concern was being able to even keep her alive. That was less than 2 weeks ago…her facebook status today reads (via her daughter) “Nubs for a hair do. Front and back. Bruises on my arms and bruises on my hand. Partial brain removal. What makes it all worth it? Knowing I have FB family and friends to pull me through it, THANK U! Love “Mary”” Can you say Amen? Unbelievable…not to mention, she took steps on day 10!
I am so proud and love you both very much!!!

So, yeah. Before during and after all of this, I was moving. Kind of had to rearrange a few dates and stuff but it got done, thanks to both my boys and my bestie from Ventura!!! I love you guys! Oh…and me too! →

Oliver…well he’s always in the mix!

This past weekend was exciting…one of my babies turned 27 • TWENTY-SEVEN! I will post more on that tomorrow! Woo-hoo!

What an amazing legacy this little guy has left behind. Such a heart warming, yet heart wrenching story….

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For three years, Moko was a familiar sight around the beaches of New Zealand’s eastern coastal city of Gisborne, where he swam among beach-goers stealing balls and surf boards. In 2008, he gained international fame after successfully guiding two stranded pygmy whales to safety after human attempts had failed. His actions probably meant the difference between life and death for the whales. Moko was found found dead on the beach at Matakana Island near Tauranga on July 8th. The cause of death has not been determined, but postmortems have ruled out deliberate violence or a boat collision.
(Pictures are click-able for larger view)

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Moko plays fetch Mahia style ↓

Moko plays ball with beach goers ↓
(video picks up at about 38 seconds)

Hundreds of mourners marked the death of the bottlenose dolphin who won hearts and sometimes annoyed New Zealand swimmers and surfers with his antics. Moko’s body was placed in a blue coffin covered with flowers and was carried through a seaside town last Friday. After the ceremony with over 400 admirers present, his casket was loaded on a charter boat that toured his favorite bays. He was buried privately on Matakana Island, where his carcass was found.

Mascot, friend, lifesaver and entertainer, Moko was definitely a cherished member of this community.
You’ve touched a lot of hearts little buddy…may you rest in peace!

I can’t believe we are already in July, this past month has been eventful to say the least! A few ups & downs, a lot of tears and some incredible memories. I have mastered the art of being on top of the world, to hanging on for dear life in 7.432 seconds. As new doors open, I gently close and secure old ones. There have been moments I have never felt more loved…or so alone. It’s all about life. I know without experiencing the dark, I would not have such an appreciation for the light.
Did I mention I also found a new favorite vodka?

Incredible memories…there have been many of them, some of which may continue to grow, others that may happen only once twice three four times. I have shared the stories of Ace V., Buenaventura and Oscar, I now introduce to you, Cleo.

When Cleo first appeared on the beach, he had a very bloated tummy and was pretty lethargic. My peers friends at the rescue thought he had probably just eaten something that didn’t agree with him and was sleeping it off. By the following morning, the bloating had subsided but he still appeared to be a sick little guy. The fear now was he had been exposed to Domoic Acid. Barricades were set up, and before rescue left a neighbor and myself agreed to rotate every other hour sea lion sitting.

At least I will not be 1) alone in the ocean 2) in the middle
of the night 3) sitting waist deep with a sea lion on my lap. Long story kinda short, by the following morning Cleo had made a remarkable recovery, yet refused to return to the water.

He spent the days soaking up the sun and any and everyone’s attention, the evenings frolicking on the beach and back to the barriers by sun up…for 4½ days.

As exhausting and overwhelming as it was, he was an absolute joy and inspiration. Although bonding with these animals is discouraged, it was inevitable.

There were several times Cleo toyed with the idea of going home but in the end, he always chose his new found home, the barrier.

On day 4 we were told arrangements were being made to relocate Cleo to the Channel Islands. It was obvious he was content where he was, just a little too content. As happy as I was he was one of the few success stories, the news really tugged at my heart strings. A few hours later, I learned Cleo would be leaving the next morning.

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I walked out to say my good-byes the following morning, as I sat down in the sand, Cleo waddled over to me. Deanna joined us shortly after and snapped a few pictures with my cell phone.

“It’s all good buddy…you will be with your friends…”

“…I will?”

*sniff* “Good bye and good luck my little friend…” ♥

That was the last time I saw Cleo. I was fortunate enough to had been able to spend time with Oscar as he ended his journey and I’m so thankful I had the opportunity to be there as Cleo prepared to begin his new journey.  These are memories I will forever hold close to my heart, memories I will always cherish. These are incredible memories….

“Oscar,” a sea lion, was a victim of Domoic Acid toxicity which attacks the neurological system. I sat with him in the water from 12:00 a.m. to 4:00 a.m. a few nights ago holding his head above the water so he would not drown, within minutes we had developed a trust. He lay across my lap occasionally kissing my cheek while I encouraged him to fight…and he did. After each seizure and tremor, while foaming at the mouth, he would lift his head and move what little he could…never taking his eyes off of me. After 4 hours, I went home to change my wet clothes and when I returned he was gone. He showed up again the following day as I was taking a walk and was in worse condition than before. As people looked on pointing, gawking and taking pictures of him fighting to stay alive, I went out, pushed him back into shore. He responded to my voice and rested his head on my feet…if I moved, he followed as much as he could. As I yelled at him to fight, a little girl about 9 years old asked me why he was suffering so. She said “it’s not just him, it’s us watching him.” I hugged her and she cried in my arms.
Oscar died the following morning. I am so grateful for the experience yet so devastated by the impact his death has had on me and the suffering he endured. I found 6 dead seals who more than likely suffered as he did…that was in a few day period on just a small portion of the beach.
He was just another casualty of Domoic Acid toxicity. To see this first hand is heart wrenching, yet to experience the love and trust from this little guy is overwhelming and heartwarming. Without exchanging a single word, I learned something from him that will forever change my life…he left me with a quest, a desire and a purpose…and that’s what I needed!

Looking back, I know my decision was not the wisest, nor safest…but it was the decision I made at that given moment and I’m glad I did. However…I strongly discourage anyone from approaching any wild animal, (let alone in a dark ocean!) There was a reason for this encounter and I can’t wait to see what it is…

It has been 48 days since my Aunt Bobbie passed away, yet the reality of it it still unfathomable. I often find myself picking up the phone to call her, or making a mental note about something I need to tell her. I miss her laugh, her words of wisdom. I miss talking to her, I miss her.

I sat with her for a few hours, alone, just before she passed away. I laughed, I cried. I told her it was o.k. to go, I threatened she better not leave me. I talked and talked and talked (as usual)…she listened, (as usual) occasionally squeezing my hand or just giving me a simple sigh, letting me know she was present in the conversation.

I don’t remember exactly what I did or didn’t say, but I know there was, and never will be enough time or words to say everything I wanted…or needed to say. A few things I may…or may not have forgotten…

• I am sorry for draining your phone battery nearly every time we talked.

• I will miss my $5.00 gift certificates to McDonalds in my birthday card each year.

• Thank you for being my babysitter, my aunt and my friend.

• I will never forgive you for making me eat the fat on my steak.

• I am sorry for not telling anyone you ran out of gas on that hot, summer day when you called for help.

• Thank you for not beating me with that stick you had in your hand when you had to walk home…on that hot, summer day.

• I forgive you for giving me 2 left gloves for Christmas.

• I confess, it was me that hid the hominy in the milk…I didn’t want to eat it!!!

• Thank you for always standing by my side through the years.

• I will always treasure the night, not long ago, we tried on all your favorite hats…and laughed so hard we almost peed our pants. You gave me your favorite one!

• I will never forgive you for reintroducing me to Spice Drops. I eat them excessively…

• Thank you for giving me 5 fantastic cousins!

• Thank you for teaching me the difference between a meat grinder and an apple peeler.

• I forgive you for giving me the ugliest fabric pin and earrings I have ever seen.

• Thank you for letting me “practice” cutting your hair.

• Thank you for letting me “practice” cutting your hair a 2nd time.

• I will think of you every time I’m having a bad day and spray on my “Phuket” body spray. I will include an extra spay each time..for you.

• Thank you for all the Deviled Egg plates. One can never have too many.

• I will never forgive you for making me search every floor of the hospital for your keys, only for you to tell me an hour later you found them…in your bra.

• I miss being able to cry on your shoulder.

• Thank you for slipping me what was probably your last $40.00 under the Thanksgiving dinner table, because you knew the position I was in.

• I’m sorry I told Randy to run from you when he was in trouble.

• I’m sorry I told Randy the “Music Man” was really the “Ice Cream Man.”

• I will never understand why your purse weighed more than I did.

• Thank you for being such a good sister to my mom.

• Thank you for leaving us all with such a precious and beautiful gift…your legacy.

• I will always remember you for your giant, gentle heart, your compassion for all. Your ability to forgive, your infectious laugh, your words of wisdom, your inspiration. I will remember your never ending strength, your Waldorf Salad that I hated, your patience, trust and endless love. I will always remember you for being the best aunt I could have asked for, the best friend I could turn to and the incredible woman that you were.

I will always remember you. Thank you for the memories.
I’m sorry, forgive me and I confess.

I love you!!