Day 3….cuz’ I don’t think I am ever coming home!
I got up this morning and made my way to the beach, sweats, t-shirt, embarrassingly messy hair and all. It’s a good 2 minute stroll, but that didn’t stop me. I’m determined. It was a beautiful day, simply stunning! First dolphin sighting, 3 dolphins cruising along the waves, second dolphin sighting, (oh yeah baby, 2x in one day) a school out yonder. Well worth the 2 minute stroll. I am in Heaven!!! The Relay-For-Life begins tomorrow, we got a lot of the stuff set up tonight for our team, “Cupcakes” but lots more to do in the a.m……wish me and my tootsies luck folks! I need to get to bed, I have a lot more footwork ahead of me. More than my 2 minute walk to the beach but that won’t stop me. I’m determined!
Day 3 Complete success!

As I mentioned in my previous post, I arrived in Ventura yesterday. You will be happy to know I did not pee my pants. My primary reason for this visit is to participate in the Relay For Life walk. We will begin Saturday @ 10:00 a.m. and alternate walking until our final lap Sunday@ 10:00 a.m. There is much to do to prepare. My best friend lives on the beach here so I must sit, watching the waves anticipating our journey. We must have a naughty lady party to kick off the arrival of our 16 team members, most of which are coming from Florida. We must shop Ventura Ave., we will spend our final night preparing with a Taco Party and dancing on the beach. We will walk our little hearts out for 24 hrs and celebrate our success at the Strawberry Festival. What an incredible experience this will be knowing WE have made a difference and honoring all that have been touched by cancer.
Day 1 Probably one of the most special and memorable days I have experienced in a long time. Sitting there sunning my tootsies, camera in hand I wait…and wait…and wait to get one glimpse of a dolphin. I am a dolphin lover, the sight of one brings me to tears. (I have my very own dolphin, Pulama. Really. I adopted one, she is living in Hawaii) So imagine my delight to see a big honkin’ one jump out of the water, just on the other side of the waves. Camera in hand, this tourist is running like a mad woman to get the best possible shot or even a glimpse. I hear the word “whale.” How rude these locals are. So I don’t quite have the body I once did but I wouldn’t consider myself a whale. I then realize my big honkin’ dolphin is a whale. I shriek, partly because I know now they are not referring to me as a whale. I shriek louder because I have never seen a whale in it’s natural environment. I am in awww all the while running like a mad woman. Don’t know how many people I jumped over, didn’t care. I watched in amazement as it glided gracefully in the water occasionally seeing a burst of water from it’s blow hole. I get as close as possible without swimming out to it. Now, check this out. It was closely followed by a group of DOLPHINS! Now I am the crazy tourist, camera in hand, screaming. Does it get any better than this? Really. I am snapping pictures so fast, yet I am so excited I can not hold my hands still long enough to focus, let alone point the camera in the right direction. That’s o.k. I’ve decided. It was my moment to enjoy. The memory will be forever embedded in my mind and heart. I managed one picture that was half way decent and since I’m in such a great mood, I will share my moment with you!
Day 1, a complete success!

How dry I am, I how wet I’ll be
If I don’t find that bathroom key
I found the key now where’s the door
Now it’s too late…it’s on the floor.
I drove to Ventura today to stay with one of my bestest friends whom I haven’t seen in almost a year. She had to work but “the back door would be unlocked.” Of course I had to pee the last 30 minutes of the 90 minute drive, but I could wait because “the back door would be unlocked.” Here I sit in my car, my Verizon USB720 cord hanging out my window, my eyes bulging out because the “back door wasn’t unlocked.” My car is shaking to rhythm of my tapping feet. People are staring. It’s not a pretty sight. So go to a gas station and use the facilities already….I’m scared. She lives on the beach and parking is minimal, if I leave I may have to parallel when I return. That’s not a pretty sight either. So with the nosy people wondering why I am sitting in my car with an Verizon USB720 cord hanging out my window, bulging eyes, and a car shaking to rhythm of my tapping feet I take this opportunity to share with you my wonderful Mothers Day gift. Don’t be jealous. Is this not the cutest thing you have ever seen? I love monkeys, I collect dolls. Wa-la…perfect gift! I named Her Bella but after reading her certificate I learned her name was Jingles. I call her Jingle Bella. Not to be confused with Jingle Balls.
So check back soon…I’ll let you know how the pee situation and all turned out.
Peece,

if you have not read the previous chapters of my big, thick book click here…if you have, you are good to go!

Chapter 9
Jingle Balls

It was Christmas day.
It was a few years ago, but oh how fresh it is in my mind.
My face blended well with the red lights that adorn the tree.

It started out like any other Christmas day. We were up at 6 a.m., however I was awake at 4 a.m. pacing the bedroom floor anxious to see what Santa had brought me, I mean the kids. After all was said and done, (by the way I got squat that year!) we ate breakfast, (Costco muffins, I refused to cook after getting squat!) we showered and headed off to my parents for our traditional Christmas dinner.
For some reason, I’m thinking every flippin’ relative I have was there. From siblings to my aunt’s cousins step-daughters nephew. One person was too many that day, in a minute you’ll understand why. Relax…I’m getting there.
Too cool to hang with the old folks, my son and nephew (not my aunt’s cousins step-daughters nephew) sat in front of the stereo talking…I assume about boy/men ‘stuff.’ They, for whatever reason decided to call a radio station to request a song. No harm in that right? Except the D.J. completely blew them off over and over again and continued playing Tra-La-La-La-La songs. It is Christmas after all, even though I got squat at least the Christmas music is keeping me in the spirit.
Now they have a brilliant idea,
“Mom, you’re a girl(?) you call…he’ll listen to you!”
Tis the season, I can’t say no. I was still hoping for that present after all, so I agreed. As I start to dial I ask what song they wanted me to request.
“Big Balls by AC/DC.”
“Come again…..you want to hear what????”
(I can’t believe I am admitting this on the WWW) Being the cool mom I am….I continued with the phone call. (all the while in th background my mom is informing us it is almost time to eat.) (I brought my leftover Costco muffins.) (Blueberry)
Ring. Ring.
“Merry Christmas, KXXX Radio”
“Hi…um, I wanted to request a song?”
“Wow, you have a sexy voice…”
So now I am walking to a back room for privacy, this wasn’t going to be an easy call. Blushing like a 14 year old girl who was talking to a boy for the first time, I continue.
“I do?” I mean “I do!!”
“You sound hot!”
“Naw…giggle, giggle,” as I take a quick glance at the mirror.
“I bet you have a lot of boyfriends.”
“Naw” as I break out in a heat flash.
Now bear in mind I am doing this for the sake of the kids, it had nothing to do with getting my ego stroked…..even a little.
“But I do have a song request!”
“Oh, yes….anything, what can I play for you?”
Oh gees Louise, now I have to verbalize this song to this raunchy D.J. dude, “Um….Big Balls by…”
“Oh you tiger, I know who sings that”
“It’s for my kids.”
“Sure it is honey.”
I scream. Not the someone help me scream, but the scream of a 14 year old who who has just talk to a boy for the first time!
“Thank you so much!”
“Anytime hot mama.” (o.k. thats a lie, but he did say anytime!)
Click. I hung up to the calling of my mom who informed me they are waiting on me.
“Sorry, I had an important call to make,” as I wink at the kids its a done deal.
Now my mom tells us to turn the stereo off so we can say Grace. Does she not have a clue what I just subjected myself to. Can she not see the 8 shades of red that still adorns my face? So…just as my son approaches the stereo you hear the screams of a 14 year old girl from those big Hi Fi speakers. Not the someone help me scream, but the scream of a 14 year old who who has just talk to a boy for the first time!
It was a familiar scream.
It was my scream. (but who cares…really no one knows it’s me…and it was just a scream)

From there on out everything was in s l o w m o t i o n.
My family, now standing in a circle holding hands can’t possibly reconize the scream. But before my son hit the button my conversation with this raunchy D.J. dude proceeding the scream, played in full. You could hear a pin drop. The conversation which seemed to last forever finally ended. I try to play it off, but they knew, they all knew.
The kids are laughing hysterically.
My mom used my middle name.
Damn.
It was on thing I acted like a 14 year giddy girl flirting with a raunchy D.J. dude, it was a whole different story I was calling to request Big Balls. My phone rings, it rings again….and again. Seems everybody was tuned in to KXXX this wonderful Christmas morning. Sweet, innocent Heidi’s cover had been blown. Some have never acknowledged the incident since, others…well, I will never hear the end of it.
So did he ever play Big Balls? How could he resist such a sexy voice! So I did get squat after all…I got my 15 seconds of fame!
Merry Christmas kids.

Meet Kiwi! This is my other four legged friend. She is about 9 years old. Doesn’t look a day over 102, huh? I got her when she was 5 days old and have watched her blossom into a fine young tortoise. She is very curious, friendly and devious. Isn’t she cute? (In a turtle kinda way)

Here is a layout I recently did of my princess, Filthy. Now, I tried to rename her Tia, but…..she is Filthy and I guess always will be. Now who would name their little girl such a nasty name? Hold on folks, it gets worse. Her full name is Filthy McNasty. I’m not typically a cruel person, and there is a reason behind this madness…really!
This little adorable feline has not always been so adorable. She showed up one fine day, on my porch about 7 years ago. She was so mangy we could not even tell she was a cat until we saw her sweet little face. She is a purebred Persian and her hair was in dreadlocks. (I remember one time using tongs to remove what I thought was a worm from her hair which actually turned out to be one of those Wonton noodles…no doubt from a dumpster… I don’t know…do Persians eat Wonton noodles?) She hung out a few months before we officially adopted her, (after a well needed trip to the groomers!!!) in the mean time my sons gave her the name Filthy McNasty and it has stuck with her since. Is she not the most precious thing you have ever seen?