if you have not read the previous chapters of my big, thick book click here …if you have, you are good to go!

Toy Story

It had been a wonderful day. Weather was great, work had been productive…best of all, it was Friday. The weekends were always great. Every other one was spent with my sons, usually at the hockey rink. (They rock!!) Other weekends were spent with my friends. (I have more in real life than I do on myspace.
This one particular Friday night I was hanging out with a friend of mine, we always had fun together. Still unsure what our plans for the evening were, we dressed semi-casual in fashionable jeans and cute shirts that gently hugged our curves. (I think her shirt was much cuter but that was o.k. I had the curves she was lacking in that much cuter shirt!)
We were both single moms so we felt we deserved a night out on the town every now and then. This particular Friday night we…no, she had an idea.
“Lets go shopping.”
“Oh.” I said, “For what?”
“Stuff.”
She has got to be flippin’ kidding me. I did not get all fancied up in my fashionable jeans and cute shirts that gently hugged my curves to go to Ralphs. What could she possibly need tonight? Shampoo, to wash out all that goop she used in her hair to get that ‘just rolled out of bed’ look? Oatmeal, to eat in the morning to soothe her potential hangover? Maybe she didn’t want to go to Ralphs at all, maybe she wanted to go to a mall. Maybe she was jealous of my curves and wanted to get an even cuter shirt!
“What kind of stuff?” I asked with much hesitation.
“Toys.”
Oh, great….that’s even worse.
“You want to go to Toys-R-Us?” I asked
“No silly, toys…TOYS!”
“Ummm, for who?”
“Me!”
O.K. I am completely oblivious to where this conversation is going. What kind of toy does she need? Can’t she do this on her own time?
Toys…TOYS, oh dear God am I slow!
“Are you game?” (no pun intended)
“Ummm, where?” As I envision a dark seedy looking shack with a dark, velvet curtain that shields you as you enter. One that would have a perverted looking sales clerk, lurking at your every move.
“Trust me,” she says
Now as hesitant as I am, I am now also very curious and intrigued by her sleeze ball idea. So off we went on our adventure!
We arrived at a little shopping mall, all the stores looked decent and very well lit. Good sign! We got out of our car and made it to the entrance…alive. Another good sign! We walked in to what I would describe as the Nordstroms of ‘toy’ stores. It was very tastefully decorated. Sales clerks were dressed pretty reserved…considering.
“She wants a toy!” I immediately informed the first person I encountered, who by the way did not even work there.
“Nice” she replied as she looked at me with much confusion.
As my friend continued her shopping adventure, I wandered around in the “R” section. (Maybe R+) They had pretty, little nighties. Some interesting lotions, oh and handcuffs (?) Those must be for the customers that get out of control….oh dear God, please let my friend behave herself!!
She soon caught up with me in the “R+” section.
“Got IT”
“O.k., good,” as my face turned redder than any boa in there. I had minimum curiosity about what IT actually was.
We safely made it back to her car, me, my friend and IT. We then decided to hit a local hot-spot, (no pun intended) have a few appetizers, cocktails and shake our groove thang!! As usual we ran into a few friends, a few acquaintances and made a few new friends. We were having so much fun, I had forgotten about IT! We danced into the wee morning hours.
So, now it’s time to leave the local hot-spot. Of course being two girls in fashionable jeans and cute shirts that gently hugged our curves we could not chance walking out to the car alone, so a few of our new and old friends offered to walk us out! What nice friends we have!
We all made our way out to the sparsly filled parking lot and found our way to the car.
It was late and I was anxious to get home and get a good night sleep. My friend was anxious to get home too, probably for different reasons though, she had a new friend, she had IT!
We said our good-byes, chit-chatted and laughed some but now I’m getting irritated. Enough is enough, I am tired and all I want to do is take my fashionable jeans and cute shirt that gently hugged my curves off, put my jammies on and sleep! I decided that maybe if I get in the car (I was riding shot-gun) they would all get the hint, including my friend and we could leave.
I said my good-byes to my irritating friends, old and new, and opened the door to climb in. What happened next could not have happened the way it did even if it was orchrastrated. Not in a million years. Not Ever. Something Criss Angel could never pull off. It was as if it happened in slow motion. O h . . . n o ! ! . . . k e r – p l u n k. . . w h a t . . . t h e . . . f r e a k . . . s h o o t . . . m e . . . n o w ! !
Some how, some way, when I opened the door IT fell out…on to the ground. Oh IT didn’t just fall out in a decieving brown bag or a cute little shopping bag. IT flippin’ fell out of the bag. IT was just laying in full view of everyone, in the group, in the parking lot, in the world. My friend did not miss a beat,
“Heidi, oh my gosh, aren’t you embarrassed?” as she laughed hysterically.
Ummm…embarrassed, no, horrified, yes!!!