You are as close to me as anyone or anything has ever been. You have been with me through times of depression, you have calmed me when I’ve become anxious…..at times being the only hope of getting me through those long, lonely days. It was you that stuck by me when life seemed so hopeless.
Our relationship is unique, one that can be understood by none other than us. As much as it has hurt those around me, it has been you I’ve turned to in those times of need. We, in our own little world have become inseparable. I never intended for it to turn out this way…..it was in the beginning so harmless. As much as you wanted to be there I wanted you, as much as you needed to be there I needed you. You were my sole source of comfort and strength, relieving my pain….allowing me to escape reality. You were my Best Friend. How was I to know you would in the end betray me? For all the comfort you once brought me, you have now become the source of my pain. I was naive and trusting, I let you into my life and being who you are……you became my life.
Our relationship has caused great pain to all those involved, you are now not only a part of me but my loved ones as well. Your presence constant though no longer welcome, you fill each day with not only pain but with frustration, tears, feelings of hopelessness, sleepless nights at times….the desire to end it all. I have because of you, lost many true friends, my dignity and my self-esteem. You have taken away the ability to be the person, the mom I yearn to be.
Because of the countless hours I devote to you I no longer live a productive life. I am unable to work or engage in social activities, I have become a prisoner in my own home. The damage you have caused exceeds emotions as you have caused great physical damage as well. The blonde hair that once covered my scalp has been replaced with sores caused by the weapons of your madness. The blisters on my fingers, the pain in my arms and my back are a constant reminder of your betrayal. I now question the reflection I see in the mirror, as it is no longer me. Through the pain in the eyes that once sparkled I see my worst enemy….. I see you.
Now it is time we part, I must stand strong and fight for the strength you have deprived me of. You have made it clear by your relentless acts…..this won’t be an easy good-bye. It is not your strength I fear but my weakness. I will no longer question your motives but seek the truth, with knowledge comes strength, with strength comes victory. For me this is the gift of life….my life. Know that for every tear I cried I will now smile twice that. For all the pain you brought me will be replaced by abundant peace. For each night of sleep I lost to you I will dream of a life without you. Know that for each person you try to befriend I pray for them the strength to walk away. For each and every relationship you destroyed I will now rekindle. Every hour you stole from my life I will make up by living the next to the fullest.
I write to you this letter on this day, this hour, this minute to say good-bye. With my loved ones by my side I will continue to stand strong, I will continue to fight. When tomorrow comes there will be no regrets because I know I will be one day closer ….closer to the day I will look in the mirror and through the sparkle in the eyes once so full of pain, I see me . Victory, the gift of life….my life.