Focus. That’s what I need to do. I have been such an inconsistent blogger/poster/website maintainer/sharer/etc… lately! I need to work on that…and a bunch of other things as well! I have been adding new quotes, I love quotes and there’s days I can just lose myself in them. I’m so deep, huh?

Here’s a few pictures I took over the weekend. I tried to be cute but the jokes on me, I screwed up and left a line out…the moon up above, or is it the stars up above? Anyways work with me here…this is my version! For what it’s worth, here’s my attempt:
again, just click on the pic. for a larger view!

Let me tell you about~

Hands down, this is the best reality show I have seen. Not for the entertainment value, not because it follows Intervention, another favorite and not because it’s really good. It’s the reality of the show, the
r-e-a-l-ity.

Obsessed chronicles the struggles of everyday people imprisoned by unmanageable, repetitive behaviors and sometimes debilitating fear. Whether it is Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (O.C.D.) or other anxiety disorders, this shows gives viewers a chance to see first-hand how an obsession can radically affect a person’s life and the effects their disorders have on their friends and family. Each episode follows two individual cases, their struggle and the process of rehabilitation, following them through treatment with cognitive-behavior therapy.

I have lived with O.C.D. for the past 8 years, a majority of those years it has consumed my every waking hour. It affects approximately 3.3 million people in the U.S., 2% being adults, 0.3 to 1% kids. It’s a disease that is rarely talked about, rarely understood and unknown to many. A relatively new show, I have yet to get through an episode without a meltdown. As hard as it is for me to watch, there is a glimmer of hope as well as a true sense of comfort knowing I’m not alone. I can’t thank A&E enough for addressing this disorder and bringing a new understanding to such a debilitating condition. Obsessed can be seen Monday nights on A&E at 10/9C

It’s seems like forever since I have done any Scrapping, a lack of mo-jo perhaps? This is my son and his beautiful bride to be.

Love Remembers by Craig Morgan

I‘m in denial about a few things, age being one of them. Recently, I was smacked in the face butt with reality. I need glasses. This isn’t a revelation I have just had, just one I’ve ignored…until now.

I have nothing against glasses, in fact both my kids have worn them since grade school. My mom and sister wear them, I have had just always prided myself with the fact I have had amazing eyesight. It’s pretty much my mom’s fault for reminding me that “one day when [I get] old, I too will be blind as a bat.” That day has come.

The reality became obvious on a recent evening walk. I love my walks, they are a time for me to clear my head and do some (are you ready for this one?) deep thinking. I guess you can say I often get caught up in my own little world on these journeys.

The other night I encountered an unexpected sprinkle, cutting my  deep-thinking, clear-headed time short. I rushed back to my apartment, taking a quick glance at the apartment number, (if you know me well enough, you could probably figure out why) and proceeded to open the door. It was locked…well it wasn’t locked when I left. Maybe my boyfriend came home and locked it, so I knock. Nothing. I knock again…louder, “Hello, it’s me open the door!” Again, nothing. I take a 2nd glace at the apartment number, uh-oh, not mine. (1 out of 2 numbers isn’t that bad is it?)

Oblivious to my surroundings, I now notice a neighbor had come out to see what the loud mouth knocking was all about. All I could do was walk away. Trying to look calm and collective as if I hadn’t just made the biggest ass out of myself, I turn around and give him a weak smile. He did not smile back, his glare however made it clear he was not taking his eyes off of me until I was long gone. The next thing I knew, I was picking myself butt up off the ground. How did I not see those 3 steps I have walked up and down for the past year? A glutton for punishment, I do another quick look back. Yes, he is still watching me, was he smiling? Probably, but how would I know…I can’t see that far!!!

Ha Ha mom, you were right.
I will be hauling my bruised butt (and ego) in for a new set of glasses…A.S.A.P.

When I woke up yesterday it was like Christmas morning with Santa in his UPS uniform at my door bearing gifts! The box clearly read Canon on it, my camera had arrived…all fixed, adjusted and sparkly clean. I guess the shutter mechanism thingy-bob had to be replaced. Whatever. I finally feel whole again!

Later in the day I had some errands to run and had a bit of time to kill before my nail appointment so I ran into The Dollar Tree to browse. I love going through their stationary stuff and almost always find a few treasures that I don’t really need. I picked up a little “Things I Need To Do” notepad, I’m real good about writing things down, just not so good at remembering where I wrote them. Right beside my little treasure was a bag of Boston Baked Beans. Obviously someone had willpower  not to indulge and put them back…in the stationary. A weakness of mine, I couldn’t help but wonder if they had been strategically placed there. I have no willpower and caved.

I walked around with my “To Do” pad and Beans hoping to find at least one more item to add to my treasures. Just when I had lost all hope, this body spray caught my eye…I simply could not resist. Great name, ya think? “Gee, what should I wear today? Hmm…Oh PHUKET!” “Heidi, what do you want for your birthday?” “Nothing” “C’mon, something!” “No, nothing” “Can you give me an idea?” “Just PHUKET” “Wow, sorry I asked!”

As I got in line to check out, I secretly giggled about my new found treasure. I am approached by a man (I will respectfully refer to him as Ben Dumped)
Ben: “HI”
Me: “Hi”
Ben: “I’m ugly, huh?”
Me: “Umm, no”
Ben: “I’m cute?”
Me: “Yeah…”
Ben: “My girlfriend just broke up with me”
Me: “Oh, I’m sorry to hear…”
Ben: “She always calls me though”
Me: Maybe she misses…”
Ben: “Do you really think so?”
Me: “She might”
Ben: “I lost my job too”
Me: “That’s horri…”
Ben: “I got another one today”
Me: “Good for you, see…”
Ben: “Now I make $29 an hour”
Me: “That’s…”
Ben: “It’s $1 more than I used to make”
Me: “Things worked out in your favor, congrat…”
Ben: “I have a million dollar house here in Upland”
Me: “Wow…”
Ben: “It’s already paid off”
O.k., if somebody doesn’t get me away from this close-talker…soon, I’m going to freak out!! I’m pretty sure the lady in front of me is paying with all pennies as she has been counting her change this whole time.
Ben: “I have a house in Redlands too”
Me: “Yeah? Is it paid off…”
Ben: “It’s worth about $600,000 or even $650,000″
Me: “…”
Ben: “It’s paid off too. My ex lives in it.”
How many more pennies does this lady need? I’ll buy her stuff, just get me the heck out of here! I finally escape the house and have a productive day and all I want to do now is go home, get under my covers and eat my Boston Baked Beans.
Ben: “Are you married?”
Me: deep breath “Yep, 30 something years now” (in reality, this would have made me around 10 when I got married)
Ben: “I was married once”

Finally, it’s my turn. I try to keep my composure as I give the checkout dude the get me the hell outta here look. He strikes up a conversation with Ben, apparently they know each other. I am going nowhere fast. As I try to decide whether I should walk out or freak out, checkout dude rings me up. I try my keep my head from doing the 360 thing. “Will that be all?” he asks. I notice I am still holding my favorite treasure. As I set it down I reply, “No, PHUKET…I want this too.”

I sprint to my car, lock the doors and leave. If anybody wonders, cares, etc…I am home under the covers eating my Boston Baked Beans.

Home’s not so bad after all….

I am always so eager to blog, share and post pictures of my get-a-ways. Not so much this time, as fun as it was I am pouting big time. My camera, my extra appendage, my best friend, my Canon EOS 40D broke on day 2. Error 99, basically says you’re screwed. In the process of trying to rectify the situation, I emptied the memory card. Yeah, smart move. All is good now, camera is in the shop, I had already downloaded a few pictures to my computer and the rest I ‘borrowed’ off the internet (put your cursor over the picture to see what’s real vs. borrowed) so I would still be able to share my trip. That my friends is how nice I am!

Sadly, my O.C.D. has peaked, it has not been this bad in almost 2 years. I am devastated, sad, embarrassed and drained. Oddly, I also feel a deep sense of comfort.

In 1994 we adopted 6 week old Rex from the pound. He was playful, feisty, stubborn and ornery. He was never a lap cat and any affection was done on his time. After I was diagnosed with O.C.D. in 2001 Rex’s demeanor changed, he was now the most compassionate animal I had ever encountered. Sensing when it was going to be a challenging day for me, he remained by my side as long as needed, “protecting” me. If he was not next to me when I woke up, 3 pats to my chest with my hand would bring him to me….without fail. August 20th, 2007, after a brief illness we had to put Rex to sleep.  I miss him terribly, he had become so much more than a pet to me. His intuitiveness, loyalty and compassion simply amazed me. I am a firm believer animals are a great source of therapy and support, they’re love is unconditional.

A few months ago we took in an abandon cat, Oliver. He can only be described as a curious, mischievous, busy body who will “talk” to anyone willing to listen. Like Rex, he is not a lap cat and only occasionally will he even sit still long enough to let you pet him. He is like a 2 year old child and I often wonder what we got ourselves in to. His behavior lately has been odd. He will occasionally walk around aimlessly meowing but always stays within close proximity to me, he will then wrap his paws around my leg and bite it. He will do this over and over until he has my complete attention. I have woke up the last 5 mornings to this little busy body snuggled up to me, his head laid on my chest and his big green eyes watching over me.
When I finally realized what was causing his “odd” behavior, it gave me the chills. Oliver had taken on the role of “protecting” me.  Each and every time he bit me, I had been stuck in a O.C.D. cycle. My most challenging days have been those that I awoke to find him by my side.

Again, I am amazed at their loyalty, compassion and the ability to sense when something is wrong. As hard as this is…and as silly as this may sound, it gives me comfort. He is my little Guardian Angel.