When I woke up yesterday it was like Christmas morning with Santa in his UPS uniform at my door bearing gifts! The box clearly read Canon on it, my camera had arrived…all fixed, adjusted and sparkly clean. I guess the shutter mechanism thingy-bob had to be replaced. Whatever. I finally feel whole again!

Later in the day I had some errands to run and had a bit of time to kill before my nail appointment so I ran into The Dollar Tree to browse. I love going through their stationary stuff and almost always find a few treasures that I don’t really need. I picked up a little “Things I Need To Do” notepad, I’m real good about writing things down, just not so good at remembering where I wrote them. Right beside my little treasure was a bag of Boston Baked Beans. Obviously someone had willpower  not to indulge and put them back…in the stationary. A weakness of mine, I couldn’t help but wonder if they had been strategically placed there. I have no willpower and caved.

I walked around with my “To Do” pad and Beans hoping to find at least one more item to add to my treasures. Just when I had lost all hope, this body spray caught my eye…I simply could not resist. Great name, ya think? “Gee, what should I wear today? Hmm…Oh PHUKET!” “Heidi, what do you want for your birthday?” “Nothing” “C’mon, something!” “No, nothing” “Can you give me an idea?” “Just PHUKET” “Wow, sorry I asked!”

As I got in line to check out, I secretly giggled about my new found treasure. I am approached by a man (I will respectfully refer to him as Ben Dumped)
Ben: “HI”
Me: “Hi”
Ben: “I’m ugly, huh?”
Me: “Umm, no”
Ben: “I’m cute?”
Me: “Yeah…”
Ben: “My girlfriend just broke up with me”
Me: “Oh, I’m sorry to hear…”
Ben: “She always calls me though”
Me: Maybe she misses…”
Ben: “Do you really think so?”
Me: “She might”
Ben: “I lost my job too”
Me: “That’s horri…”
Ben: “I got another one today”
Me: “Good for you, see…”
Ben: “Now I make $29 an hour”
Me: “That’s…”
Ben: “It’s $1 more than I used to make”
Me: “Things worked out in your favor, congrat…”
Ben: “I have a million dollar house here in Upland”
Me: “Wow…”
Ben: “It’s already paid off”
O.k., if somebody doesn’t get me away from this close-talker…soon, I’m going to freak out!! I’m pretty sure the lady in front of me is paying with all pennies as she has been counting her change this whole time.
Ben: “I have a house in Redlands too”
Me: “Yeah? Is it paid off…”
Ben: “It’s worth about $600,000 or even $650,000″
Me: “…”
Ben: “It’s paid off too. My ex lives in it.”
How many more pennies does this lady need? I’ll buy her stuff, just get me the heck out of here! I finally escape the house and have a productive day and all I want to do now is go home, get under my covers and eat my Boston Baked Beans.
Ben: “Are you married?”
Me: deep breath “Yep, 30 something years now” (in reality, this would have made me around 10 when I got married)
Ben: “I was married once”

Finally, it’s my turn. I try to keep my composure as I give the checkout dude the get me the hell outta here look. He strikes up a conversation with Ben, apparently they know each other. I am going nowhere fast. As I try to decide whether I should walk out or freak out, checkout dude rings me up. I try my keep my head from doing the 360 thing. “Will that be all?” he asks. I notice I am still holding my favorite treasure. As I set it down I reply, “No, PHUKET…I want this too.”

I sprint to my car, lock the doors and leave. If anybody wonders, cares, etc…I am home under the covers eating my Boston Baked Beans.

Home’s not so bad after all….