Recently released are new drugs FOR WOMEN. It’s a given…. I am
going to get me some, I am going to get all of them, lots of ‘em too.

DAMNITOL- Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours. (this is my personal favorite!!)
ST. MOMMA’S WORT- Plant extract that treats mom’s depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to two days. (i don’t have preschools but i would love to use this on a few people, trust me….want some candy???)
EMPTYNESTROGEN- Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding you of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn’t wait till they moved out. (i’ll skip the suppositories)
FLIPITOR- Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.
MENICILLIN- Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such lethal lines as, “You make me want to be a better person. Can we get naked now?” (hmmmm…older women? guess i don’t need these either!)
BUYAGA- Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping Increases potency, duration, and credit limit of spending spree. (note to self: take only as needed, always have on hand for shopping companions)
JACKASSPIRIN- Relieves headache caused by a man who can’t remember your birthday, anniversary, phone number, or to lift the toilet seat. (gimmee, gimmee, gimmee, lots of refills!)
ANTI – TALKSIDENT- A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers in elevators. (o.k. ha, ha, very funny. i always thought this was pepper spray i was getting sprayed with. note to drs.: this product should be banned!)